Haunted
by Say.N.Sis
Summary: Come one, come on don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out, something's gone terribly wrong. You're all I wanted. – Megan Hawke struggles with her feeling for one man while being with another. Through the game and after. Start in Act 2


This is my first Dragon Age fanfic. And I hope you like it. =)

The characters belongs to BioWare and not me! Love the game though!

**Spoilers!**

This story contains a few quests from the game, but I have put some twist and turns than the original. It begins in Act 2, after A Bitter Pill and continues till after the game.

Haunted is about my female mage Megan Hawke who struggles with her feeling for one man while being with another. Will she come to turn with her feelings and love the man that stand beside her, or will she forever long for the man who left her heartbroken?

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><p><strong><span>Haunted<span>**

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><p>You and I walk a fragile line.<p>

I have known it all this time,

But I never thought I'd live to see it break.

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><p><span>Chapter 1: You and I Walk a Fragile Line<span>

Megan woke up early. The Fade had brought her in and out all night, it had gone to the point of wondering why even try sleeping when it won't happen. She wasn't that tired anyway so she put on her rob and walked out on the balcony. It was only before dawn and only a small ray of light in the sky. The streets were quiet and clear except of a few guards, it was kind of nice.

But she gave away a heavily sigh. She was concerned and still a bit frustrated. Her eyes wondered over the rooftops until they stopped on one particular mansion. They had never really seen eye to eye. They had mostly disagreed on everything. And yesterday's event was no different. Megan, Fenris, Isabela and Varric had been on their way to the Wounded Coast when they had walked straight into an ambush of slavers who was there to take Fenris. Of course she was not about to let that happen and they fought and killed them. Apparently Hadriana, Danarius apprentice were the one sending them, so they had gone to her instead.

Hadriana had tried to save herself by telling him about his sister. But the promise he had given her were only an empty one. Fenris had killed her right after she had told him about his sister, but it wasn't enough, he was still angry. He hadn't believe her and thought Danadius had send her to tell him about her to lure him into another trap. And even if he hadn't sent her, Fenris wasn't sure if he wanted to find his sister, fearing what the magisters may have done to her. She had tried to comfort him, or calm him down but he had snapped at her. Before he left he had told her that magic ruins everything. And it had stung a bit in her stomach when he had said it.

She had been worried the whole way home. She didn't know where he went and didn't know if she should go looking for him or not. Isabela and Varric had taken her to the Hanged Man when they got back to the city. They thought she needed to drink and forget about the broody elf, as they put it. That it wasn't anything to be worried about and that he would show up again when he had calmed down. But it was harder than they expected. She had gone home early, not wanting to ruin the mood for the others just because she was worried and still frustrated after jet another remark towards magic.

Short after when she had gotten home he had showed up at her house. He had apologies for his behavior and that she didn't deserve his anger. She had told him she had been concerned about him when he took off, leaving out that she was a bit frustrated and then he told her about Hadriana, what she had done to him and that he was helpless to do anything in return. She had said the wrong thing, but she couldn't put it aside. He wanted to kill her no matter what and she wanted him to admit it. He had once again become angry, asked her what he should have done instead. It wouldn't matter if she had told him what she thought he should have done. He didn't want to forget and he didn't want to forgive. He didn't want to move on. He couldn't. The hate he felt inside would never go away if he didn't let it.

He had taken a deep sigh to calm down and told her he wasn't there to argue. He had turned to leave before she told him he couldn't do it alone. He had told her she was right and walked out of the door. She wanted to help him, which was what she meant. Again she had said the wrong thing. It was hard talking to him, she would never know if it was the right respond or not. Never knew when he was going to snap. But she kept to what she believed and to the truth, and wouldn't budge from that only to please someone.

She hated arguing with him. She was a mage and she wanted mages to have their freedom, something he did not share. He hated mages and it was not without cause, she knew it and understood. Even though she fought for their freedom, she knew very well what they were cable of and that they were dangerous if they so liked or needed to be. And here in Kirkwall they were just as oppressed as in Ferelden, if not even more. But just as he, she didn't approve of blood magic, and she knew that they had to be stopped. But she also believed that the mages turned to it because they had no other choice. A very bad one but still a choice. The Templars were pushing too hard.

Carver had told her in his resent letter, which he sent four months ago, that he didn't really like the way the rest of the Templars handled some of the mages. And she believed him in his words. Carver had never been really found of mages, even though she, Bethany and their father were. She had once sworn to her father when she was young that she would never end up in the circle, and defiantly not become a tranquil, she would rather died which she had once told Anders.

But what she thought about Hadriana, she probably did deserved to die. For what he had told her she had done to him, she was glad she was dead. But she knew that it wouldn't change what had happened. Revenge wasn't the answer. She knew. Killing the ogre after it had killed Bethany hadn't helped her or her brother and mother. They had both blamed her for letting it kill her little sister. And Carver had used it against her whenever he could. But it wasn't her place to criticize. She knew Hadriana was doomed even before he had promised her to live. And even though she didn't believe it was the answer, she had still let him decide whatever he would do to her.

The sun had come up a bit more. It was late summer and it had become a little cold in the mornings, but it was still pretty warm during the day. She remembered suddenly that she had sort of, not promised to go to a noble brunch with her mother. According to her mother, the son of whose family they were visiting had a small crush on her, but he was too shy to talk to her alone.

She hated to go to those things. All summer she had gone to those things with her mother, or more _for_ her mother. She desperately tried to find her a proper and nice noble man to marry. She was already much older than most women were when they first got married and some had already had their first child. And she also wanted her to stop running around and stick her nose in every problem in Kirkwall and of course, more protection from the Templars for her now only daughter, which the nobles could provide. But she didn't want to marry some noble man and become a regular noble woman who went to tea parties with other noble women who biggest problems were who had the biggest gossip. No, she would rather go into the Deep Roads again and fight a horde of darkspawn.

She still had time for a family life. She was only twenty four. And beside she couldn't just marry any man, she had to be in love with the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with. But she doubted the one in her thoughts felt the same way for her that she did for him.

She turned and walked into her room and closed the glass doors to her balcony. It had become cold in her room and she decided that if she was going to escape jet another brunch of utterly boringness, she had to get out of the house before anyone woke up and tried to stop her. They all were soon going to wake up and she had to get out quick and quiet.

She put on her black trousers and a deep blue shirt, and quickly combed through her blond hair and put it up in its usual pony tail before opening her door quiet and carefully. She picked her head out and her eyes took a view around the upper floor before sneaking out, closing the door quietly.

It felt kind of weird sneaking out of her own house. It was somehow thrilling walking on her toes past her mother's door and down the steps. It reminded her of all the times she and Bethany had sneaked out back in Ferelden when they were young. They never brought Carver with them, he would only complain whenever they used magic and then go and tell their parents. It was sad thinking about it, and she almost missed a step and fell backwards, but she managed to grab the railing. She held her breath and listened if there were any movements from the room just over the stairs. _Please, please, please don't wake up,_ she thought praying. When she was sure no one heard her she let the breath go and she stood up. _Sneaky as ever, Megan. You haven't lost it jet._ She almost started laughing, she didn't know why, but she had to hold it in.

"Mistress?" Said a female voice from the bottom of the stairs. She looked down to the blond young elf standing confused at the bottom. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"Orana" Megan said a bit over a whisper, forcing her laugh aside. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I… Slaves always wake up… before their Mistresses" She said, nervous starting to get a hold of her voice. Megan realized that she was looking at the elf with large eyes, which probably didn't help the nervous girl at all. She shook her head and walked down the stairs and stood before Orana and took her hands and looked into her eyes gentle.

"Orana, I have already told you. You are no longer a slave. You are a servant" She said as gentle as possible, but still sincere.

"Yes, but I don't know how to be one". Orana got a helpless look on her face.

"Well," Megan begun and a smile came upon her lips. "Neither do I, I have never been one myself." She gave a small laugh. "But, it I have to think of something that could help, then I think it's almost like before. But the difference is that first of all, you are a person just as much as me and anyone else. You cook and clean and go buy groceries and…" She had to think for a bit and it always help her by looking up at the ceiling. "You just be yourself. And the best part," She looked at Orana again, a big teeth smile on her lips. "you get paid and do whatever you feel like doing with the coins."

Orana gave away her own smile, still not as wide as it could be and she was still a bit insecure. _But that could be fixed with some time, _Megan was sure.

"I can buy a strawberry?" She asked, her eyes sparkling with hope.

Megan couldn't help but look at her stunned. _A strawberry of all things?_ She felt kind of sorry for the poor girl. Well if that was what she wanted. "Yes, and not just one, as many as you like" She gave her a hug, which surprised Orana and she tensed, but she remained in the hug. Megan withdrew. "Orana, I'm going out, but you can't tell anyone that you saw me, okay?"

Orana got her surprised look once again and then a bit horror mixed in it. "Mistress wants me to lie?"

"Well, no or yes or…"

"I'm a horrible liar" Orana exclaimed, a bit louder than Megan would have wanted. "I'll get punished".

"What? No, no you won't", Megan tried to reason with her but Orana was upset and her eyes darted from side to side, while looking down. Megan grabbed the girls arms which made the girl look up at her, meeting her eyes. "Orana, you won't get punished. You will never get punished again, I promise. I won't allow that to happen. Okay?" She looked at the girl with a serious face, and waited for the girl to give her a respond or a nod. She got the nod. "I didn't mean to upset you by lying for me. I am sorry."

Orana nodded once again, a bit calmer this time. "If you like, I will just tell them that you went out if they ask. But I won't say anything if they do not ask."

She got a small smile on her lips again, a gentle one. "Yes, that sounds good. Thank you".

After they had said goodbye, Megan walked out of the front door. It had become a bit warmer since she had been on the balcony and she believed that it would be a pretty warm day. The streets were still empty and it was nice being out this early. She walked around through Hightown for a while, lost in her own thoughts.

After the fifth lap through the streets she was bored. She realized she stomach were growling and remembered she hadn't eaten anything since supper last night. The market was just about to open and she went down there, buying some bread and some fruits, and a basket to carry it all in. Now that she had escaped the brunch, she only had to find something else to do. All her friends were either sleeping (Isabela and Varric of course, she wouldn't expect anything else) or working (Aveline and Anders, who took their jobs very seriously) or something else (Merrill and Fenris who did something). She didn't really know what her friends were doing when they were not with her. Isabela, Merrill and herself had once guessed what they were doing but that were only guesses. The one that she knew the least what was doing when he wasn't with her, she was apparently standing in front of his door now.

_Why am I here? _Maybe she thought that she should apologize for yesterday? But she hadn't done anything wrong, maybe used the wrong words but she had told him the truth. Or had she done something wrong? It was kind of confusing. She knew she felt something for the broody elf but she didn't know what he felt for her more than that she was a mage and he hated them. Which should result in that he had to hate her too? She had flirted with him, yes, and still did whenever she saw the opportunity. He hadn't really declined her flirtations or told her to stop. She had seen it on him that sometimes he enjoyed it. He was talking to her more than to anyone else of their friends. He had told her about how he escaped from Danarius and ended up at some Fog Warriors, something had never told anyone else. Maybe it only was because he was drunk, but he had said some rather unexpected things himself.

Too deep in her thoughts she didn't realize she had begun pounding her head against the door. She stopped when she heard the door begin to crack open, and a half naked elf stood in the door. He wouldn't have opened the door if he didn't know who it was so he must have seen her pounding the door with her head. She immediately turned red when she realized what she had done.

"Hawke" He said, sounding tired and annoyed. She just loved his natural growling and dark voice. If she hadn't controlled herself, she would have pinned him to the door and kissed him endlessly. It became harder every time she met him to restrain herself. And that he was half naked didn't help much either. Apparently she had woken him from his sleep.

"Em… right, em morning" She said, feeling stupid and had a mixed shameful-enjoyable-amusing smile on her. He was waiting for her to tell him the reason why she was there so early in the morning. He folded his arms over his chest. "I think you're wondering why I'm here so early in the morning" she begun, watching his expression, and her smile grew wider when he lifted one of his eyebrows. "and the answer to that is with a question; where can I hide from my mother and all the nobilities where they can't find me? And I thought which better place than at an apparently empty mansion."

"You want to hide from your mother? Here?" He asked not sounding too happy about the idea.

She brought the basket up so he could see it. "Well, that and a peace offering. I brought breakfast" She walked past him, not carrying if he was going to invite her in or not. He closed the door behind her with a heavy sigh. "And I brought a new book" She said over her shoulder, waving the book in her hand so he could see it.

He cursed in a native tongue, which made her shiver every time. He walked after her up to the only room that was used. They ate the food mostly in silence. He had asked her why she was hiding and she had told him why. The remark she had used for the nobilities had gained a small laugh from him, which was very rare and he had agreed on that. He had also said that he had almost expected her to start acting like a noble woman now when she had the status. But was glad she wasn't, as was she.

After they had eaten, they turned to the book. When she had first suggested that she could teach him how to read he had been offended, thinking that she only offered out of pity. She had not pushed the subject more that night and the day after she went to the mansion determined to teach him how to read. And in her own mind, have a reason to spend more time with him. First he was reluctant but after a while he had begun trying. And now she came over a few days a week to teach him. He had very little patient for it and whenever he couldn't make out the words, he threw the book away or threw it into the fireplace. Many books had met their end by that. And today she managed to save the book before it ended up being turned to ashes. She had snapped at him after that, telling him that if he kept that up there wouldn't be any books left in Kirkwall. He had snorted at that and took the book from her and gave it another try.

Megan stayed there until just before noon. She had been gone enough and she couldn't escape the fury her mother would bring down on her. So she walked straight home. And as she had expected, her mother had been furious and told her repeatedly how humiliated she had felt and that she had to apologized like a dozen times. She also had to explain where she had been and her mother didn't like the answer. Megan already knew that her mother didn't approve of Fenris. He wasn't the kind of man that could provide a life and a family for her, he had too much issues. And the fact that he was an elf didn't suit her mothers' taste either. She had once again become nobility and the influence of what they thought was important to her. Somewhere along the line she had been send up to her room. And how that happened was beyond her. But you don't fight with an angry mother, you wouldn't want her wrath upon yourself.

-&&-HaUzf3D-&&-

It was night time. She had been at home the rest of the day and she almost thought it was as boring as being at one of the noble parties. She kind of wished that it would be a job soon. Didn't the people in Kirkwall have any problem for her to fix? Not even a tiny one? She sat on the balcony, looking down on the streets. Most of the people would be home right now in their warm beds. She could see a few people though, they were probably on their way home or to a tavern. There was one person that was heading towards her estate. She could easily recognize him, his silver hair stood out pretty well even in the dark. He looked tensed and something seemed bothering him.

She walked out of her room and down to the main floor. She was glad that everyone was asleep since a few hours back, she didn't know what to be expected from him and she didn't need her mother and her servants to see her argue. When the door came into view he had already let himself in.

"Fenris?" She asked surprised and as gentle as she could as she stepped into the door. She didn't want to trigger yet another argument with him if he was in a snapping mood.

"I have been thinking of you" he begun, sounding a bit bothered by it and walked towards her. "In fact I have been thinking of little else." She could feel the heath fill her stomach. He took a stop when he was close to her face. He looked up through his hair, catching her blue eyes with his green. "Command me to go, and I shall."

Before she even had the chance to think of what was happening, she had answered him. "No need". He responded by taking her mouth into his, kissing her. But it didn't feel enough, she wanted more and didn't want him to regret his decision and leave. She pulled herself away from his lips, turned him around and pinned him to the wall. He got a bit surprised by the action, but pulled her towards him and started kissing her again, hard and passionate. He tasted much better than she ever could imagine. She had thought about it after she had woken up from a dream where they had done something similar.

She pressed against him, her leg going up his side. She wanted to taste all off him as she kissed him down his jaw and neck. Stopping just down the neckline and above the clavicle where she could feel his body respond to it by shivering with pleasure. He had grabbed her leg and stroke it back and forth, going even higher each time and under her robe. He brought her mouth back up towards his with his other hand and started kissing her again.

She felt him harden and she understood where it was going. He grabbed her other leg and lifted her up and she hooked her legs around his waist. She felt like she was on fire and she wanted him, now. But not here in the hall. What if someone woke up and saw them there. She had to push herself free from his mouth, which made him protested with a small growl. "Fenris we can't do it here" She said, looking into his eyes.

"Where to?" He asked then and pushed his back off of the wall, still carrying her.

"Upstairs" She said as a guideline and then attacked his lips with hers, feeling like she almost couldn't take it anymore.

The way up the stairs was not an easy one. The whole way they were so focused on each others lips and tongue that they made an awful lot of noise. It was a miracle that no one heard them. The only time they broke out from their fierceful kissing, was whenever she had to laugh after they hit the wall several times and when he almost dropped her, twice. He had never been in her house this far in, so he didn't know his way around. He almost entered her mothers' room and she had to stop him by grabbing on the edge of the wall on the other side and drag them both away towards the right direction. She struggled a bit to get the door open, as it was much lower now then she expected. When she finally managed he walked in, whirling around the door and pushing it close.

He went over to her large bed and put her down, gently, to her surprise. He followed her down on the bed, never breaking their mouths apart. She put her arms around his neck, grabbing a fistful of his hair in both of her hands and pushed his lips more closely to her mouth. She released her legs from his waist and he grabbed one of them and stroke it with his hand.

It was then she remembered that he had his glows still on his hands, in fact he had his whole armor still on him. And armors had no use in bed, defiantly not when it has spikes on it. She grabbed both of his shoulders and pushed him to the side, fallowing him and sat on top, breaking up their lips for the first time since they had entered her room.

"What…" he begun to protest and looked up into her eyes. She put one finger against his lips and hushed him.

"You still have your armor." She explained. "And the spikes don't exactly turn me on when they are poking me." He didn't break the eye contact or spoke when she took away her finger. He just watched her intensely, waiting for what she was planning to come next. Slowly she brought her hands to her waist, keeping eye contact with him the whole time. She grabbed the knot on her ribbon and started to unfold it. Her rob went lose over her body and Fenris eyes was drawn to the opening that showed her breasts. One of his hands was drawn to the opening, longing to touch and explore her. But she grabbed his hands before it could enter her rob. A teasing smile shower itself on her lips when he returned his eye contact with hers. She still held the red ribbon in her other hand, and started to tie it around his glow, pointing out to him that he still had his armor on. She bent down to his face and he took in her lips right away. When she was done tying the ribbon around his right glow, he slipped his hand out of it and slipped it into her robe instead, cupping one of her breasts. She threw the glow away and helped him out of the other. In the end they were both naked and the feeling of touching his skin was overwhelming.

-&&-HaUzf3D-&&-

She had fallen asleep short after the act. She was happy, happier than what she had been for a very long time. The last time she could remember being this happy was back before they had left Lothering. This was exactly what she needed, but it still felt unreal.

She woke up by an unknown sound. First she looked over to the other side of the bed, expecting to find him lying there. But it was none there. She glazed around the room until she saw his standing by the fire place, his back towards her.

"Was it that bad?" She asked a hint of joke in her tone, but still sincere.

He turned towards her. "I'm sorry, it was…." He began stumbling a bit, turning to look at the side. "it was fine". She got disappointed by that. But he immediately regretted his choice of word. "No. That is insufficient. "He turned to her, meeting her eye contact sincerely. "It was better than anything I could have dreamed."

"Your marking…. they hurt, don't they?" Concern washed over her insides.

"It's not that" He looked down as something was bothering him again. She sat up on the edge of the bed and fallowed him with her eyes when he strolled around as he told her what was bothering him. "I began to remember. My life before… Just flashes… It's too much. This is too fast. I cannot… do this"

She looked down on the floor, knowing exactly what he meant and was about to do. A voice inside her asked her what she expected. They had never been in the category, friends, with each other. They had always walked on a fragile line and she knew it. She had to think of something fast to say, something to make him stay and consider this. She had to buy some more time so she could figure out what to do. "Your life before? What do you mean?" She asked meeting his eyes.

"I've never remembered anything from before the ritual. But there were…. faces. Words." He brought up his hand to his forehead, trying to hold on to the faces that no longer had ones. "For just a moment, I could recall all of it. And then it slipped away". He looked away almost shameful.

"Don't you want your memories back?"

"Perhaps you don't realize how upsetting this is." He turned away from her. "I've never remembered anything, and too have it all come back in a rush, only to lose it…. I can't" He turned to her. Panic was building up inside of her. She was losing him. "I can't" He said finally.

"We can work through this" she said hopeful. _This can be fixed_, she thought. Her body was tense and her fists had buried themselves in the bedspread.

"I'm sorry. I feel like such a fool" He backed away, shame and sadness mixed on his face. He couldn't look her in the eyes anymore. "This should never have happened in the first place. Forgive me." He walked out of the door and all she could do was to stay where she was and watch him walk away. She could feel something break inside.

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><p><em>Tbc...<em>


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